Caring for Mom with Dementia: Compassionate Care & Self-Care

Caring for a loved one with Dementia is a journey filled with challenges, emotions, and moments of deep reflection. When the roles reverse, and a daughter finds herself caring for her elderly mother, the experience can be both heart-wrenching and enlightening.

Dementia slowly takes away the person you once knew, replacing cherished memories with confusion and uncertainty.

People suffering from Dementia get paranoid and are very fearful when left alone. As a daughter, it can be incredibly painful to witness your mother’s decline, knowing that the strong, independent woman who once cared for you now relies on you for everything.

My own mother had dementia, and I know firsthand how demanding and emotionally taxing the role of a caregiver can be. There were times when she didn’t recognize me and I had to keep introducing myself to her. It was exceedingly painful not to be recognized but I knew it was the nature of the disease. I was very patient with her. She was my everything! Sometimes I walked away to have a good cry, dry my eyes and return with my smile and laughter intact. I often stepped in to relieve her primary caregiver, ensuring she had the opportunity to recharge her energy. It was essential for both my mother and the caregiver that breaks were taken to maintain balance and well-being. During those moments, I would sing the hymns of her childhood—songs that once filled her heart with joy and comfort. The melodies seemed to unlock pieces of her past, bringing fleeting moments of recognition and peace.

I also made it a point to show her pictures of her life, snapshots of beautiful memories that would sometimes spark a twinkle in her eyes. Keeping her laughing and happy became one of my greatest missions. I found that joy, however small, was a powerful antidote to the frustration and confusion that Dementia often brought. Whether it was through gentle jokes, playful conversations, or simply sitting with her in silence, every shared smile felt like a victory.

Negotiating with her about meals was another delicate yet heartfelt challenge. While she could still eat, I took great care to respect her choices, understanding that food was one of the few pleasures she could still enjoy. I would buy exotic fruits and rum and raisin, coffee and mango ice cream and red velvet and other cakes to tempt her waning appetite.

Some days were a struggle; other days, she delighted in the meals we lovingly prepared for her. It was hard work, exhausting at times, but I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything in this world. The love and connection we shared through this journey were priceless.

One of the most challenging aspects of being a caregiver is the emotional toll. There’s a unique kind of grief in watching a loved one fade away, even as they sit right beside you. The weight of responsibility can be overwhelming, from managing daily routines to ensuring their safety and well-being. Simple tasks, such as preparing meals or reminding them of familiar faces, become acts of love and patience.

Despite the hardships, caring for a mother with Dementia also brings unexpected moments of joy. A fleeting smile, a sudden moment of clarity, or a shared laugh can serve as reminders of the bond that remains. These moments, though rare, offer comfort and hope in an otherwise uncertain journey.

Support is crucial for caregivers navigating this journey. Seeking help from support groups, healthcare professionals, and friends can provide much-needed relief and reassurance. Remembering to care for oneself is equally important; burnout is a real risk when dedicating so much time and energy to another’s needs.

Here are ten ways daughters caring for their mothers with Dementia can take care of themselves:

1. Set Boundaries: It’s essential to recognize your limits and set realistic expectations to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
2. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Taking a few moments each day to breathe and center yourself can help reduce stress and improve focus.
3. Engage in Physical Activity: Regular exercise, such as walking or yoga, can boost energy levels and improve mental health.
4. Seek Support Networks: Joining caregiver support groups provides a sense of community and shared understanding.
5. Delegate Responsibilities: Enlist the help of family members or professional caregivers to share the workload.
6. Maintain a Healthy Diet: Proper nutrition can play a crucial role in sustaining energy and overall well-being.
7. Make Time for Hobbies: Engaging in activities you enjoy can provide a sense of fulfillment and relaxation.
8. Stay Organized: Keeping track of medications, appointments, and daily routines can reduce feelings of chaos and stress.
9. Get Adequate Rest: Ensuring quality sleep is essential for maintaining physical and emotional resilience.
10. Seek Professional Help When Needed: Consulting with therapists or counselors can provide valuable coping strategies and emotional support.

When dealing with an elderly parent who loses their temper or becomes unresponsive, it’s important to have strategies in place to maintain composure and ensure a positive environment:

• Stay Calm and Patient: Taking deep breaths and reminding yourself that their behavior is a symptom of their condition can help you respond with compassion.
• Use Gentle Redirection: Shifting their attention to a different topic or activity can often diffuse a tense situation.
• Establish a Routine: Predictability can provide comfort and reduce outbursts of confusion or frustration.
• Avoid Arguments: Trying to reason with someone with Dementia can be counterproductive; instead, offer reassurance and validation. Just agree with whatever they say instead of trying to correct them. Find the patience to answer the same question as many times as it is asked. Your Mom cannot control what she does but you can control your response. After all you are assuming the role of the adult now.
• Speak in a Soft, Reassuring Tone: Your tone can have a calming effect and help ease tension.
• Take Breaks When Needed: Stepping away momentarily can help you recharge and approach the situation with renewed patience.
• Practice Empathy: Understanding their fears and frustrations can make it easier to provide compassionate care.
• Introduce Calming Activities: Listening to soothing music, looking through photo albums, or engaging in simple crafts can create a peaceful environment.
• Consult Healthcare Professionals: If challenging behaviors persist, seeking professional advice can provide valuable guidance and support.
• Remind Yourself of the Love You Share: Focusing on positive memories can help maintain motivation and resilience.

Ultimately, caring for a mother with Dementia is an act of love and devotion. It’s a challenging path, but one that can be filled with profound lessons about compassion, resilience, and the unbreakable connection between a mother and daughter.

Date: January 24, 2025

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